The experience of delayed ejaculation

What is delayed ejaculation?

Most men ejaculate far too quickly, but as you will know if you have delayed ejaculation, this condition means that lovemaking goes on and on and on …..often for so long that a woman becomes bored, sore and frustrated, while the man become angry, shamed and anxious about his inability to satisfy his partner and ejaculate during lovemaking.

Fortunately a reliable cure is available, and it’s one you can use at home, in privacy. It’s based on the methods used by professional sex therapists.

A Problem With Delayed Orgasm

One man said, of his delayed ejaculation:

I am unable to ejaculate during sexual intercourse as my wife and I make love. A little bit about my history with this problem might help you understand and help me better.

I am 36 years old and have been married a little over 3 years. I was a virgin when I was married and have never achieved orgasm and have always been unable to ejaculate during our lovemaking without masturbating myself to do so and then release inside of her.

I was raised with a “religious moral” mindset and my family almost never talked about sex and when they did it was negative, as in “you are too young to know about that”, “it’s wrong (until you’re married)”, “it’s something we don’t talk about”.

So my earliest memories of sex after being told what it was by an older brother were that it was bad and that I shouldn’t even know about it – this was shaming.

I had an early fascination with masturbation (pre-puberty) and self exploration which may or may not be “normal” – I masturbated often as a teenager, however, I never was able to achieve an orgasm (except in occasional wet dreams) and I was unable to ejaculate during masturbation until I was 23 years old.

My sexual fantasies during my teen years were heterosexual yet I also felt drawn toward the masculine, mostly because I never had strong male friendships and was not good at sports and I envied other guys of a certain stereotype of the masculine.

I dated in high school and college, yet never got very physically intimate with my girlfriends because I feared that I wouldn’t be able to ejaculate, and indeed, until my sophomore year of college I never penetrated my girlfriend.

Needless to say I did not ejaculate – I simply could not come inside a woman during sex. I was a man with a complete failure to ejaculate during mutual masturbation, oral sex or intercourse. Not much of a man, really, and I think it was around then that I gave up the idea of ever being a husband and father.

I viewed pornography in my senior year of high school and how I wished it was me that was ejaculating with those porn stars! During the time I used porn, I realized the addictive potential of this and gave it up, but the sexual fantasies I read stayed in my mind, and I also began writing my own sex fantasies to masturbate to, They were full of men shafting women and ejaculating all over them, but not, interestingly, inside them, during sex.

Soon after I left college I married. This was, naturally, a mistake. I guess I thought my difficulties with sex would end in a relationship, but they didn’t.

After a while, however, when I grew to trust my partner, and I found I could ejaculate on a woman’s body, albeit by masturbating myself. I feel ashamed that I was  unable to ejaculate during lovemaking. Sometimes I have to use heavy duty fantasy to reach orgasm, and this makes me feel bad too, because when I’m off exploring fantasy in my head it isn’t as though I have a real relationship with my partner during sex.

When I married I did not expect to have the difficulty with ejaculating in sex that I am now having. My wife is a very sexual woman and I love her deeply. She was a virgin when we were married and so we have learned together. She has been very supportive of my delayed ejaculation, and loving toward me through this in ways I never could have imagined.

I do not have problems being sexually aroused by her although I am more aroused by physical touch than visual. I do find her body attractive and sexy and enjoy sexual intercourse with her despite the fact that I have not achieved release inside her the natural way.

It has been better at times than other times. Sometimes I feel more stimulation than other times. A number of times it has been very intense to the point that orgasm felt inevitable yet I was still completely unable to reach a normal ejaculation.

Sex sometimes ended with me being exhausted and unable to take the extremely pleasurable sensations on my penis any longer. Usually it feels very good but not quite to that level. And sometimes I don’t feel very much arousal at all.

I have gone through counseling on my own, although it was not a sex therapist. We have had a few counseling sessions with a sex therapist together, although didn’t feel that he was very helpful. Is it possible I require a higher degree of sexual stimulation than most men? I think it might also be my subconscious mindset that is the problem. However, I have taken great strides and believe that my views on sex have drastically altered. I am much less inhibited than I was.

I love my wife and we want to be “one together” with me getting over this problem of being unable to ejaculate inside her. We do have a two year old as a result of masturbating to the point of orgasm and me then releasing my semen inside her. She has been able to masturbate me to orgasm although this takes a very long time and usually results in frustration for both of us.

So when we have intercourse I either masturbate myself to orgasm or I don’t have one. I have pretty much given up masturbating on my own apart from being together with my wife, thinking that it will help to solely focus on her when I do it.

Occasionally I will still masturbate and occasionally slip into old sexual fantasies, maybe a couple times a year.  Usually when I have masturbated I focus on my own body, I like to watch myself, etc.

So now when I am with her I masturbate focusing on her and her body and being with her and the desire I have to ejaculate inside her without any delay in ejaculation.

She has been very supportive as I have mentioned, but it is having an effect on both of us after three years. Other aspects of our marriage are fine and we get along great and are best friends.

Sometimes we are able to enjoy lovemaking for what it is without me having an orgasm and other times we are left frustrated from trying.

She is often able to achieve orgasm from my thrusting in her vagina which is pleasurable for both of us.

I have always felt very free being naked with her without any degree of shame whatsoever. I love being naked with her and holding her close since we have been married. We are both healthy and in decent shape, not overweight or any other physical concerns or limitations. My wife and I have tried reading the science of delayed ejaculation but now know we need help.