Making Sense Of A Man’s Lack Of Orgasm
Good news! Your difficulties reaching orgasm and ejaculating are about to get a whole lot easier.
You probably arrived at this site because you searched for information about why you’re having difficulty reaching orgasm and ejaculating, and in the hope of finding a cure for the problem. This situation is often called delayed ejaculation, or DE for short.
The first thing I want to tell you is that you can discover how to ejaculate easily from the information and techniques in my self-help program and some involvement from your sexual partner.
Yes, it requires a bit of dedication, but I’m guessing that you have plenty of those qualities, because you’re already searching for a solution, and you’ve probably had to put up with this problem for quite some time.
This approach is based on the work of internationally renowned sex therapist Michael A Perelman, PhD, and others who have elaborated meaningfully on his original concepts. (You can see a selection of his research work and publications listed at the bottom of this page.)
I owe many thanks to Dr Perelman. He has many professional manuscripts in print (many are of course copyrighted). A list of some of these articles/chapters is included at the bottom of the page.
A Problem Hidden For Years
It’s only recently that delayed ejaculation has become well known. Maybe that’s because it’s so difficult to talk about the problem, or even admit to having it.
So let’s start by looking at what is “normal”.
If you look at the picture below, you can see how long men last from penetration to ejaculation. As you see, the average length of lovemaking is around 5 minutes. If you’re going on for more than 15 minutes, you may have delayed ejaculation.
I don’t think anyone – at least no man with DE – believes extremely long lasting sex is good in any way. After all, struggling to reach orgasm during intercourse is something that hits every man’s sexual self-esteem. And it doesn’t do much for most women, either.
One thing’s for sure: if you have delayed ejaculation, you’ll certainly be looking for a cure that works. You’ll want a solution that can help you to enjoy normal sex easily.
So you might be pleased to know that I’m an experienced counselor and therapist. I’ve spent twenty years helping men to overcome sexual dysfunction.
My online self-help program is based on all my accumulated experience and knowledge and has a success rate of around 96%. This means it’s almost certain to help you overcome, or at least ease, the difficulty you have in ejaculating.
Many men despair of ever finding a solution and go on struggling to ejaculate during intercourse for longer than is reasonable. Their partner may become frustrated and feel sore in her vagina. Many women feel angry or bored with the length of time for which sex continues.
In fact, delays in ejaculating can be a real challenge to a man’s sexual self-esteem. Especially if he can’t come at all. The simple truth is that delayed ejaculation causes considerable stress, low sexual self-esteem, anxiety and frustration. And it doesn’t help your relationship, that’s for sure.
But What Causes Such Delays in Ejaculation ?
During sexual intercourse, most men ejaculate inside of three minutes after penetrating their partner. Yes, that’s the average time a man lasts during sexual intercourse.
Clearly, not being able to ejaculate easily is unusual. So much so that men who find it hard to come often feel bad about themselves and their sexual performance. In fact, there can be a lot of shame involved for men who experience delayed ejaculation.
And isn’t that a contrast with the experience of women who can’t come during intercourse? No-one thinks that is unusual or “abnormal”. No-one thinks twice about it. So why such prejudice and judgments of men who have trouble coming during intercourse?
I’ve worked with hundreds of men over the years, both in groups and individually. I know that delayed ejaculation needs to be taken very seriously because it causes men so much frustration and distress.
One of the most important aspects of treating this problem is being able to identify the reasons why it happens.
That why I’m going to help you separate physical problems from emotional issues and show you how to deal with any relationship issues. I’ll also introduce you to new techniques to help you enjoy sex and dramatically speed up your approach to orgasm. This is vital if you want to know why you can’t come.
More good news: you can tackle all aspects of delayed ejaculation more or less at the same time. After only a few weeks of using my treatment program you can expect rapid improvements in how easily and quickly you reach orgasm .
And, judging by the response and feedback I get to the material on my site, I can justifiably claim a 96% cure rate for men who use my self-help treatment methods.
The Best Treatment For Delayed Ejaculation
Would you like to enjoy making love and reach orgasm in only a few minutes?
Sexual intercourse in which both the man and his partner enjoy an orgasm is one of the greatest experiences in an intimate relationship.
Therefore, if you have delayed ejaculation it’s only natural that you’re searching for a solution. Of course DE is not a problem that happens for a single reason.
For example, you might have trouble ejaculating during lovemaking because of the way you learned to masturbate as a teenager. (Hard fast strokes. Pounding against the mattress. Things like that. You don’t get the same stimulation from a warm, soft vagina, no matter how aroused you may be.)
Or you might have been brought up by people who regarded sex as bad or shameful in some way. As a result you may have unconsciously repressed the natural, powerful expression of you male sexuality that is your birthright.
First, there’s a system of easy-to-use, powerful techniques which can reduce your anxiety and increase your sexual self-confidence.
Using these and other simple “reprogramming” techniques, your whole view of sex will change. You’ll have a completely different perception of yourself and your sexual feelings. You’ll be liberated, uninhibited, eager for pleasure… that kind of thing!
Second, I discuss and explain all the techniques which you can use to increase your sexual arousal.
These techniques will get you to the point of ejaculation much more quickly and easily during lovemaking.
Low arousal is a problem for men with delayed ejaculation for many reasons. I explain all of them, and I show you what you can do about them, especially around issues connected with your relationship.
In fact, you’ll end up with a much better relationship as well as the ability to enjoy sex to the full.
And third, I show you several highly effective sexual techniques which allow you to control, to actually choose, how fast or slowly you reach your orgasm and ejaculate.
Quite a change from struggling for an hour or more and then giving up exhausted, perhaps with a frustrated partner!
We can combine different elements of therapy, behavioral change techniques, information and counseling into one powerful system. This provides you with the means to reach orgasm much more quickly. That way, you can enjoy superb sex with complete control over your ejaculation in only a few short weeks.
And the time you need to devote to the system is only between one and two hours a week.
Plus you have unlimited access to me via email after you join the program. It’s a complete package – all designed to help you and your partner have a truly fulfilling relationship. Get the details here.
More Information About Delayed Ejaculation
There are some outlandish theories about the origin of this condition on the Internet. Most of them are wrong.
For example, you’ll find many references to penile insensitivity as a cause of delayed ejaculation. However, there is no evidence whatsoever that insensitivity of the penis is a cause of DE. (With one exception, perhaps – when you’ve had many operations on your penis, for example in the case of hypospadias repair.)
Some men think they made their penis insensitive by using harsh masturbation techniques as a teenager, or indeed as an adult man. But what’s really happening is that you may have desensitized your nervous system to sexual stimulation if you masturbated hard and fast as teenager. That’s something you can get over, fortunately.
And some men have told me they think their sexual nerves aren’t working! Truth is, only in extreme cases of neuropathy, perhaps in diseases such as muscular sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, and advanced diabetes, would the neural reflex responsible for ejaculation be deficient.
There are some other causes of delayed ejaculation to think about.
Medication
If you’re taking medication for emotional difficulties, with say depression or anxiety, then those drugs may have an impact on your ejaculatory reflex. They affect the level of serotonin in your brain, which can make it difficult or impossible for you to ejaculate during sexual intercourse.
That situation can be remedied by a visit to your doctor, and a discussion with him about different medication choices which may not have the same effect.
In almost every case, I have found that a man who is unable to ejaculate because of the drugs he’s taking can find an alternative which does not have the same impact on his sexual capacity.
Masturbation technique
As we’ve mentioned, some men masturbate using a harsh and fast technique – known as an “idiosyncratic form of stimulation”. This can cause difficulties ejaculating.
Typical methods include using extremely hard pressure or very high frequency of hand movements. Sometimes a boy or man adopts a prone position against the mattress, hands-free to masturbate. Such techniques may condition your body to ejaculate only in response to sexual stimulation of the most extreme kind.
You may be a man who has grown up using harsh stimulation to your penis to reach orgasm. Now, the normal – much weaker – stimulation available during sexual intercourse is simply insufficient to trigger his ejaculatory reflex.
This is not a failure of your ejaculatory reflex. What’s happening is that you can’t reach the level of stimulation during intercourse which you need to tip over your point of ejaculatory inevitability. This is the moment when you know you’re going to come and nothing will stop it happening.
In my home self-help program I offer a complete explanation of how men can get over this difficulty in reaching climax. You can use a form of bodywork which resensitizes your body – and penis – to a much more normal level of stimulation.
Here’s another video – Dr Janet Hall on difficulty in ejaculating. She’s got some good points but I think she’s taking a bit of a simplistic approach to DE.
Aspects Of Relationship Are Involved, Too!
To finally get over the difficulties of delayed ejaculation you must think about your relationship. Maybe there are unspoken issues between you which are making you and your partner feel somewhat distant from each other.
The emotional connection you have with your partner directly affects how good your sex life is. Of course, the quality of your sex life also affects your emotional relationship. They depend on each other to some degree. When one goes wrong, the other is affected.
Sometimes couples where the man and woman live with delayed ejaculation feel a kind of emotional restraint, a “holding back”. They may not be fully engaged with each other fully. I can show you how to step into a full and open relationship with honest communication. This can totally liberate your freedom to express yourself fully.
Such issues can be caused by underlying anger, resentment, shame or guilt. These feelings can all inhibit ejaculation because they lower your motivation and enthusiasm for sex. They prevent you from becoming sufficiently aroused to reach the point of no return easily.
And if you a man feels resentful because his partner is passive or disinterested in sex, you can’t expect a full and enjoyable sexual relationship. This may lead to the man looking like he’s aroused, with a hard erection. However, his level of sexual arousal is really rather low. In fact, too low to ejaculate or “come”, that’s for sure. Even if sex goes on for hours.
Porn Use Can Cause Delayed Ejaculation
Porn is so stimulating it just gives us a thrill far bigger than a lot of real life sex…. often you just can’t match the intensity and excitement of porn in the reality of sex with a real partner. This really is a case where fantasy is better than reality – for reaching orgasm, at least!
The good thing is, you do not have to delve too deeply into your relationship issues before getting to grips with delayed ejaculation treatment.
And why? Well, because a large part of the treatment involves things which will produce much greater intimacy and connection between you and your partner. So improving your relationship is a natural effect of treating delayed ejaculation.
To find out more about this, check out the treatment program on this website.
Acknowledgment
This product is based on the work of internationally renowned sex therapist Michael A Perelman, PhD and others who have elaborated meaningfully on his original concepts. Dr Perelman has many professional manuscripts in print (many are of course copyrighted). A list of some of these articles/chapters are included at the bottom of the page.
Dr Perelman provided professional society presentations on the subject prior to 1994, and first published on the concept of “idiosyncratic masturbation” as a relevant factor in the etiology of DE in 1994: Perelman, MA “Masturbation Revisited.” Contemporary Urology, Volume 6, Number 11, November 1994
and later in 2005: Perelman M. “Idiosyncratic Masturbation Patterns: A Key Unexplored Variable in the Treatment of Retarded Ejaculation by the Practicing Urologist.” Journal of Urology, 2005;173(4)supp:340.
Dr Perelman was also the first to identity the role of PDE5 Inhibitors as a potential factor which would lead to an increase in DE prevalence in: Perelman, MA. Letter to the Editor: “Regarding ejaculation: delayed and otherwise. ”Journal of Andrology, Volume 24, No. 4. July/August 2003:496.
How the various etiologies that result in DE could nonetheless be understood and treated successfully was described in: Perelman, MA. “Retarded Ejaculation. ”In Current Sexual Health Reports 2004 [Ed: Mulhall, J.]. Current Science, Inc., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 2004:1:3.
The entire oeuvre was reviewed and presented to an larger international audience in: Perelman, MA, Rowland DL. “Retarded Ejaculation.” World Journal of Urology,2006; 24(6): 645-52.
The International Society for Sexual Medicine asked Dr Perelman to summarize this approach for their membership in: Perelman, MA. “Understanding and treating retarded ejaculation: a sex therapist’s perspective,” ISSM Newsbulletin 27, December, 2008: 17-20.
There have been numerous other publications on this topic up until this day (an abridged list is shown below) and as recently as 2021, the American Psychiatric Association again, as they had done for DSM5, requested Dr Perelman draft their discussion on DE for DSM5-TR.
Perelman M. “Masturbation is a Key Variable in the Treatment of Retarded Ejaculation by Health Care Practitioners.” Abstract #120, Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2006; 3(suppl 1): 51-52.
Psychology Today: Sexual Tipping Point Blog
Perelman MA & Rowland DL. “Retarded and Inhibited Ejaculation.” In Handbook of Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders [Eds. Rowland DL & Incrocci L]. John Wiley & Sons, Hoboken, New Jersey, 2008, Chapter 4, pp. 100-121.
Perelman MA(2013). Delayed Ejaculation. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(4), 1189–1190.
Perelman MA, Watter, D. “Delayed Ejaculation” In The EFS and ESSM Syllabus of Clinical Sexology [Eds: P.S. Kirana, F.Tripodi, Y. Reisman, H. Porst], Medix Publishers, 2013.
Perelman MA. “Delayed Ejaculation,” in Principles and Practice of Sexual Therapy 5th edition, [Eds:YM Binik and KS Hall], Guilford Press, New York, 2014.
Perelman, MA. “Psychosexual therapy for delayed ejaculation based on the Sexual Tipping Point Model, ”Translational Andrology and Urology – Focused Issue on Ejaculatory Dysfunction – Edited by Dr. Chris G McMahon, Home / Vol 5, No 4 (August 2016).
Perelman, MA Reexamining the Definitions of PE and DE, Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. Taylor & Francis Group, Volume, Number, pp 1-12. 2016 DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2016.1230161
Perelman, MA, “What a Sex Therapist Wants You To Know About Treating Men With Sexual Disorders,” In Essentials of Men’s Health, Ed. O’Leary, M and Bhasin, S. McGraw-Hill Global, 2020
Perelman MA. “Delayed Ejaculation,” in Principles and Practice of Sexual Therapy 6th edition, [Eds: YM Binik and KS Hall], Guilford Press, New York, 2020